Synopsis
An anthology horror "film" featuring 4 stories including a zombie wandering around a hospital pestering med students, a voyeur's ill fated trip into a demonic forest, and a killer Santa Claus.
Thoughts
I just made this movie sound so much better than it actually is...or could ever be. Ever hear of the Polonia Brothers? Well, they made this film. Although, calling this a film is like calling peanut butter a dairy product.
These brothers have been making films since the 80's, and they're all basement bargain-bin Z-grade garbage. Sadly, one of the Polonia Brothers, John, is no longer with us. But he made a lot of contributions to his name in his short life, that's for sure. Most of these films are only available through packages that include other, probably less interesting bad horror movies. Finding them is not easy. Maybe they shouldn't be.
As stated, this is an anthology. It features 4 stories plus a few "bookends". I'll get into all of that. But first, I want to be clear about this: Night Thirst is bad. It's not bad like a bad movie is bad. It barely constitutes as bad, in fact...because bad is far too kind a word to describe it.
OK, really though--I love their movies. They are basically the latter day Ed Wood. You can tell they love making these films, as bad as they are. Did I mention how bad they were?
All right, enough. I'll get into the movie itself. It begins promisingly with some footage of a hot babe taking a shower. To prove how much of a Polonias Brothers nerd I am, I can tell you this is footage that was used in another film they had already made called Hellgate: The House That Screamed in 2001. Or maybe they shot both of those movies at the same time...who knows.
So a creature comes in and attacks her and the credits start. And then we have our bookend character, a truck driver whose truck has stalled and he needs help. He stops by a kid's house to make a phone call to get someone out there. He convinces the kid to let him stay and he tells him a few stories. Now about these characters. The truck driver is played by Polonia favorite Jon McBride. He looks a bit like an E Street Band reject in this. The kid is played by another oft used actor named Jeff Dylan Graham who I believe is doing a Polonia impression...you'll know if you watch more of their movies.
The first story is another borrowed part of a film from a movie called Terror House. It tells the story of a woman who goes to a house in order to collect some sort of grant. While she stays there, she is drugged by some unknown monster and kept there...and really...not much else happens...but there's a lot of narration and footage of this woman wandering around a house drinking wine.
Of course, that's just to warm things up. We're at 38 degrees here about. The next story, after some banter between the two bookend characters, is about a couple of med students that are stalked by a fresh cadaver. He's played by John Polonia. Now, this one tries to blend some humor with the horror...and since neither work...it winds up being pretty boring. Not to mention the fact that they didn't mic anybody so the girl med student's dialog is barely audible. But I believe she tries doing a Brooklyn accent of some sort.
The third story involves a guy who, for a journalism class project, decides to go out to the Black Forest, supposedly "haunted by demons". He goes there to take pictures, and doesn't realize he is being watched by the forest demons. He comes upon a ritual of sorts and is discovered, then chased back to his car and confronted with them. That sounds pretty enticing, and could be scary. But there's one fatal flaw with this one.
It's shot in broad daylight.
What kind of a spine tingling tale of terror can possibly take place on a bright Saturday morning? Unless there is some impending doom, which is never established, you spend more time wondering what you would've done on such a lovely day--surely not smoking cigarettes and taking pictures of a bland non descript forest? Haunted, by the way, by some of the worst looking creature puppets ever assembled. And while they look cheesy and cheap--they could've at least looked a bit menacing if they were...you know...SHOT IN THE DARK?
The two bookend characters banter a little more...for some reason the "chilly night air" makes the trucker think of the Holidays. Which brings us to the story about a deadbeat dad (played by Mark Polonia) who is trying to make it with a married woman who says her husband's away (played by, I am assuming, Polonia's real life wife). His real life daughter plays his daughter...oh and this takes place on the 4th of July. Just to set the right mood.
So his daughter keeps thinking she sees Santa, while her dad reminds her that it's the middle of summer, and then continues to set up something with the married woman. The girl is pretty bummed out that her dad doesn't believe her...until she finds Santa in her house, serving the dad a little surprise present for him.
OK, it's the woman's head in a box. Then Santa kills the dad. It turns out the woman was his wife, and he found out she was cheating on him so he thought he'd make Christmas "come a little early this year".
I'll admit, that is the closest this movie comes to being clever at all. We're taken back to the two bookenders and there's a revelation...the trucker has the Night Thirst! He's a vampire! But wait, there's more!
The kid has it too!
Then we're treated to yet some more footage from another film (this time Bad Magic, a truly awful movie, even for them).
I'm guessing the Night Thirst is a thirst for horrible movies...and if that's the case...I am downright parched.
IMDB: 3.8/10
Rotten Tomatoes: No Listing
WeFLM: 2/10
-Zack C.
NO TRAILER AVAILABLE
No comments:
Post a Comment