Les Diaboliques (1955)

Synopsis 

A married woman and her husband's mistress hatch a scheme to murder him, and dispose the body so they won't get caught. The married woman begins experiencing strange visions as she swears she keeps seeing him appearing.

Thoughts

The plot is as delicious as a succulent French meal. A despicable man, Michel (Paul Meurisse), who runs a boarding school like a dictator, becomes the target of a murder plot hatched by his mistress, Nicole (Simone Signoret). The mistress is actually friends with the man's wife, Christina (Vera Clouzot), although Christina is initially hesitant to go along with the plan. Michel is abusive, intolerant, and mean. Simone is convinced he doesn't deserve to live. She eventually coaxes Christina into going through with it. Both of them deceive and kill Michel, leaving his body in a pool, thinking it will look like an accident.

But there's a problem. The corpse disappears. Police think they find it, but it turns out not to be Michel's body. Meanwhile, Christina keeps thinking she sees Michel--and others claim to have seen him around, including a child who is known to be a liar. But Christina believes him.

Christina has also hired a private investigator, Alfred (Charles Vanel), to help resolve the case. She also confesses the murder to him. But when she thinks she sees Michel's returned corpse in the bathtub they killed him in, things really get interesting.

The film is both a horror thriller and film noir. It digs deep into our darkest part of our soul to see how far we'd go to get rid of unwanted people in our lives. Of course the "perfect murder" plot is not exclusive in originality here. But that's OK--it is executed perfectly.

The best sequence, of course, is the climax where Christina discovers the body. There is no music, only the creaky noises of the house and her own footsteps are heard. It builds the suspense as we wait and see what happens...and the twists at the end are surprising and fresh.

It's also darkly humorous. There aren't big laugh out loud moments or anything cheap--but there is a quirky comic tone to the film as well as its murky dubious commentary on humankind. The film is extremely absorbing, with top notch performances by Signoret and Clouzot. As an added bonus to the atmosphere to the film, there's a line at the end that tells you not to reveal the end to anyone.

So turn off all the lights and make sure you watch this in the dead of night...so that when you get to those last few scenes...you are right there with Christina...to the twisted end.

IMDB: 8.2/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 8.6/10

WeFLM: 8/10

-Zack

Night Thirst (2002)

Synopsis

An anthology horror "film" featuring 4 stories including a zombie wandering around a hospital pestering med students, a voyeur's ill fated trip into a demonic forest, and a killer Santa Claus.

Thoughts

I just made this movie sound so much better than it actually is...or could ever be. Ever hear of the Polonia Brothers? Well, they made this film. Although, calling this a film is like calling peanut butter a dairy product.

These brothers have been making films since the 80's, and they're all basement bargain-bin Z-grade garbage. Sadly, one of the Polonia Brothers, John, is no longer with us. But he made a lot of contributions to his name in his short life, that's for sure. Most of these films are only available through packages that include other, probably less interesting bad horror movies. Finding them is not easy. Maybe they shouldn't be.

As stated, this is an anthology. It features 4 stories plus a few "bookends". I'll get into all of that. But first, I want to be clear about this: Night Thirst is bad. It's not bad like a bad movie is bad. It barely constitutes as bad, in fact...because bad is far too kind a word to describe it.

OK, really though--I love their movies. They are basically the latter day Ed Wood. You can tell they love making these films, as bad as they are. Did I mention how bad they were?

All right, enough. I'll get into the movie itself. It begins promisingly with some footage of a hot babe taking a shower. To prove how much of a Polonias Brothers nerd I am, I can tell you this is footage that was used in another film they had already made called Hellgate: The House That Screamed in 2001. Or maybe they shot both of those movies at the same time...who knows. 

So a creature comes in and attacks her and the credits start. And then we have our bookend character, a truck driver whose truck has stalled and he needs help. He stops by a kid's house to make a phone call to get someone out there. He convinces the kid to let him stay and he tells him a few stories. Now about these characters. The truck driver is played by Polonia favorite Jon McBride. He looks a bit like an E Street Band reject in this. The kid is played by another oft used actor named Jeff Dylan Graham who I believe is doing a Polonia impression...you'll know if you watch more of their movies.

The first story is another borrowed part of a film from a movie called Terror House. It tells the story of a woman who goes to a house in order to collect some sort of grant. While she stays there, she is drugged by some unknown monster and kept there...and really...not much else happens...but there's a lot of narration and footage of this woman wandering around a house drinking wine. 

Of course, that's just to warm things up. We're at 38 degrees here about. The next story, after some banter between the two bookend characters, is about a couple of med students that are stalked by a fresh cadaver. He's played by John Polonia. Now, this one tries to blend some humor with the horror...and since neither work...it winds up being pretty boring. Not to mention the fact that they didn't mic anybody so the girl med student's dialog is barely audible. But I believe she tries doing a Brooklyn accent of some sort.

The third story involves a guy who, for a journalism class project, decides to go out to the Black Forest, supposedly "haunted by demons". He goes there to take pictures, and doesn't realize he is being watched by the forest demons. He comes upon a ritual of sorts and is discovered, then chased back to his car and confronted with them. That sounds pretty enticing, and could be scary. But there's one fatal flaw with this one.

It's shot in broad daylight.

What kind of a spine tingling tale of terror can possibly take place on a bright Saturday morning? Unless there is some impending doom, which is never established, you spend more time wondering what you would've done on such a lovely day--surely not smoking cigarettes and taking pictures of a bland non descript forest? Haunted, by the way, by some of the worst looking creature puppets ever assembled. And while they look cheesy and cheap--they could've at least looked a bit menacing if they were...you know...SHOT IN THE DARK? 

The two bookend characters banter a little more...for some reason the "chilly night air" makes the trucker think of the Holidays. Which brings us to the story about a deadbeat dad (played by Mark Polonia) who is trying to make it with a married woman who says her husband's away (played by, I am assuming, Polonia's real life wife). His real life daughter plays his daughter...oh and this takes place on the 4th of July. Just to set the right mood.

So his daughter keeps thinking she sees Santa, while her dad reminds her that it's the middle of summer, and then continues to set up something with the married woman. The girl is pretty bummed out that her dad doesn't believe her...until she finds Santa in her house, serving the dad a little surprise present for him.

OK, it's the woman's head in a box. Then Santa kills the dad. It turns out the woman was his wife, and he found out she was cheating on him so he thought he'd make Christmas "come a little early this year".

I'll admit, that is the closest this movie comes to being clever at all. We're taken back to the two bookenders and there's a revelation...the trucker has the Night Thirst! He's a vampire! But wait, there's more!

The kid has it too! 

Then we're treated to yet some more footage from another film (this time Bad Magic, a truly awful movie, even for them). 

I'm guessing the Night Thirst is a thirst for horrible movies...and if that's the case...I am downright parched.

IMDB: 3.8/10 

Rotten Tomatoes: No Listing

WeFLM: 2/10

-Zack C.

NO TRAILER AVAILABLE

Horns (2013)

Synopsis

A young man is accused of raping and killing his girlfriend, but the events surrounding the murder are murky and mysterious. He inexplicably grows horns, which allows him to hear the worst thoughts of people who don't see the horns, helping him solve the case himself while trying to clear his name.

Thoughts

This is a very strange movie, and one that probably could have been comprehensible and still strange, were it for a stronger script. The film is based upon a book by Joe Hill (the son of Stephen King), retaining the title. It seems to mainly be about the power of persuasion through honesty, yet the irony is that our deepest and darkest secrets can only be revealed to the devil--because he's the keeper of impure thoughts and desires.

The story opens with Ig Perrish (Daniel Ratcliffe) being accused of murdering his girlfriend, Merrin (Juno Temple) after sexually assaulting her. He intends to defend himself; but no one really believes he is innocent. After a night of binge drinking, he wakes up to find horns growing out of his head. No one seems to have a reaction to the horns, and he cannot remove them. But all of the sudden, people start opening up to him and telling him their most horrible thoughts. Ig can also get closer to people's thoughts by touching them--but it does not help in his search to find Merrin's killer.

Throughout the film, there are shifts in tone that really destroy its credibility. One minute, Ig looks intense and the horns actually start to take on a presence in a fiendish way. You think maybe he's literally turning into the devil himself. However, the horns really just represent our thought process of what our darkest form is. We can only be devilish if we literally become devil-like. 

But then, some of what is revealed to him, including by his own mother, is so outrageous and awkward that it seems to try to come off as humorous. And of course, you laugh, because you can't believe what you just heard. 

It's like that old Kids Say the Darndest Things, only it's just about everybody in the film that expresses at least one inappropriate thought. They are compelled by the horns, although they don't know it. Once Ig knows this, he tries to use this to his advantage.

His brother Terry (Joe Anderson), seems to know something. His lawyer, and friend, Lee (Max Minghella) also seems to know something. But as the revelations keep coming, the film starts to take on a predictable shape and once you put it all together, there is not much on the screen that's really drawing you into the story anymore except for Ratcliffe's outstanding performance.

The film is directed by Alexander Aja, who has made some good films, and some bad ones. It seems like when he's given good source material, he has a clear cut vision and knows what to do with it. He can make a competent film. However, when the material suffers from unevenness and weak structure, he can't save it. 

Such is the case here. The script is adapted by Keith Bunin, and at times he seems to understand Joe Hill's novel and its purpose. But then it goes for comedic shock value and the credibility goes out the window. It's hard to take anyone seriously. And that kills the drama.

Even in its climax, where Ig is confronted with the truth of what happened, it all just seems messy and jumbled. Some of the film is presented in flashback--which works for the most part. But then it starts feeling very much like a TV crime show episode...and you just know what's coming at the end.

Plus, the point of the horns is never all that consistent. One minute it seems to be trying to say that they're a facade--Ig is not evil but maybe the horns bring out the evil in others. Then, they just seem to exist to pull an inappropriate thought out of someone for no apparent reason. Yes, evil hides behind things that seem holy or good, but the irony just seems to get muddled. But before the horns even grew out of his head, something evil has already happened that had nothing to do with them. 

The film's bright spots include Ratcliffe's engaging performance, and some of the humor in the beginning. When the film can't balance between whether it wants to be a dark fantasy or a horror comedy, or a thriller, is when it starts to fall apart. It's not a complete waste of time by any means. But, it does leave you wondering if this could have been a better film had it been in better hands...

...or horns.

IMDB: 6.6/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 5.2/10

WeFLM: 6/10

-Zack

Arachnophobia (1990)

Synopsis

Canaima is a quiet little town where Ross and his family have just moved to. They've arrived just in time to meet the most venomous creatures to walk on eight legs. 

Thoughts

I enjoy traveling. Seeing the sights, eating new foods, exploring culture around the world. Where do I draw the line? Coming in contact with any and all insects. Like when we visited the Virgin Islands and went on an amazing kayak tour of this beautiful secluded beach and our guide, Zulu, let us explore the deserted steam facility. It was here where I came in contact with the tarantula hawk. I watched this giant wasp hover over the ground waiting for its prey to emerge. If the tarantula hawk grows impatient, we were told it would invade the hole where the spider resides and battle. As awesome as this may sound to some, I'm not a fan of bees whatsoever, so I was ready to get back in the kayak and be on our merry way. Zulu insisted we go spider fishing. What is this, you ask? Well, you pick a piece of long grass from the ground, shove it into one of the many holes in the ground and wait for a spider, in this case, a tarantula, to grab hold thinking it's food and emerge as you pull the grass slowly out of the hole. No, no, no, NOPE! 

Arachnophobia is the scariest film of all time for anyone who is deathly afraid of spiders. What starts as an innocent voyage to the Amazon rainforest to discover new species of insects escalates to battle of human versus the deadliest spider in the world! So, a doctor, Ross, moves his family to the town of Canaima to take over a retiring doctor's practice. Deciding not to retire though puts Ross pretty much out of work with the exception of his neighbor, Margaret. Behind all the drama, the "general" spider, that unknowingly traveled back from the rainforest, has unleashed minions it had produced onto the town. These minions have a bite powerful enough to send a person into a fatal cardiac arrest. With the townspeople people falling prey to these spiders, Ross, now known to the town as Dr. Death, suspects more than just a simple heart attack. He decides to enlist the help of Dr. Atherton. When the truth is revealed, Ross must overcome his fear of spiders to protect his family and ultimately the town. 

The 90's sure did produce some great family friendly thrillers. Here, director, Frank Marshall uses John Goodman as an exterminator for comic relief. His scenes bring a sense of normalcy to all the creepiness. The film itself is good at keeping the viewer tense. The first time I saw this movie, I didn't put shoes on for at least a year. To this day I still prefer flip flops over putting my foot in that dark abyss you call shoes. Just recently watching this, a stink bug flew out of nowhere and practically gave me a heart attack. Why? I always get sucked into this movie that I fear that there are spiders everywhere plotting their attack. Arachnophobia does an amazing job of scaring the viewer, yet, it's so light hearted and family friendly that you wouldn't really expect it. 

The spiders in the film were both real and animatronic. The smaller spiders were a non venomous species from New Zealand. The general, the escape artist from the rainforest, was a tarantula. More specifically, a bird eating one. Seeing that this spider is quite venomous, all shots involving the cast used an animatronic version. The last thing this film needed was a cast member getting bitten by the real deal. The general was created by none other than famed Mythbuster, Jamie Hyneman. He did a fantastic job with it because the close up shots of its eyes are absolutely terrifying. 

This is truly a really fun movie. From start to finish, it's a great blend of comedy and thriller. There is some pretty dark humor as well, which is quite a nice touch. Sure, nothing here screams oscars, but it's still a damn good movie. If you're looking for a family friendly night of terror making your children, or yourself's dreams turn into eight legged nightmares, look no further. Arachnophobia is just what you're looking for.

IMDB: 6.3/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 6.8/10

WeFLM: 7/10

Come for the dried up corpse. Stay for the animatronic general.

-kp

White Heat (1949)

Synopsis

Cody and his gang seem to be unstoppable. That's until he decides to turn himself in, but when his mother dies, all bets are off. 

Thoughts

Gangsters, criminals, detectives, coppers, dames, broads. These "titles", although dame and broad are demeaning, are some of the main focuses for characters in film noir. Generally, the main cast of characters are complete cynics. They were about one thing and one thing only...themselves. A lone detective trying to solve the case of his career. No family. No use for a dame. Just the paper, his gun and a tumbler of bourbon. Or, nice guy turned bank robber committing armed robbery with his lady, but love is the eventual downfall. Those were different times. The 40's and 50's made their mark in the golden age with film noir. Now, of course, there's so much more that makes a film noir what it is. If you've taken a film class, or are just well versed in the genre, you're quite well aware of it all, so, I don't want to gab on about the history. Lets delve into this week's Noir November selection.

When I first came across White Heat, I was watching the 90's hip hop drama Juice. Yeah, I'll never forget the excitement in Tupac Shakur's eyes watching it while eating that 40 ounce egg scramble. The film itself caught my interest though. So, I did what any kid did when they wanted to see a movie and hadn't a dime to their name. I grabbed an adult and scurried over to my local library for some free rentals. Uur library had a treasure trove of classic movies, so, the probability of them having it was pretty high. I rushed home, well, I had my mom rush us home so I could watch it. What a film! 

White Heat starts and doesn't let up for one second. Robberies, a high speed car chase, prison escape, murder (in the back), an undercover detective and a dame to kill for. It follows Cody, a ruthless gangster who turns himself in for a shorter stint in prison. Big Ed wants Cody dead so he can take over the gang and Vera, Cody's wife. Hiring a hitman on the inside with Cody didn't pan out with Vic, better known to the agency as Hank, there to save him. Cody's set to finish his stint, but plans change when he gets word his mother died. Cody decides to make a break for it. After he settles the score with Big Ed, he's back doing what he does best. Cody gets the gang back together for the big score, unknowingly, a setup, and his final moments.

James Cagney. The name itself is legendary. Sure, he's played a lot of the same roles, but in each he's given a masterful performance. He just commands attention when he's on the screen. Even with Virginia Mayo portraying the beautiful, but treacherous, murderous Vera, Cagney is the focus of the scene. The production and acting were great for it's time. The script, as well as the directing, were also quite well done. The scene with Cody explaining why he's turning himself in is brilliant. If he would had only figure in the betrayal, deception and greed that would follow. Although this film is great on all fronts, it does have its issues. For instance, who exactly should you be rooting for? I've always found myself rooting for one side or the other when it comes to cops and robbers, but White Heat doesn't really have a clear line. With Cagney having such a demanding presence, I found myself favoring the gang, even though Cody was diagnosed with homicidal psychosis. Not really an issue at all with the film, but usually films like this choose a side within themselves. You're either hoping the cops nab the robbers or the robbers make a clean get away. If there's anything to really wonder about it would be why he never found out Vera was the one who got his mom in the back. I really enjoyed Vera's outcome though. I just wish the cop would have replied "Copper isn't cheap, dollface. Take her away boys!"

White Heat is a classic movie everyone should see. I absolutely love this movie. The classic tale of cops and robbers, the fast talking dialogue, the "top of the world" ending. It all adds up to it being a fantastic film noir. So, rent it on Amazon, dig up your old VHS copy, or set your GPS to find the nearest video store and see White Heat.

IMDB: 8.2/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 8.4/10

WeFLM: 9/10

Come for the deception. Stay for the betrayal. 

-kp

This Boy's Life (1993)

Synopsis

A story that recounts Tobias Wolff's years of adolescence and his abusive relationship with his stepfather Dwight.

Thoughts

Watching someone's life unfold before my very eyes is always entertaining for me. I'm not sure what it is that makes me such a sucker for these types of movies, but if it is based on someone's life, I must see it. Most statistics we hear nowadays are pulled right out of the person's ass that was kind enough to present them to us. But, I feel that most films based on someone's life is half hollywood, half truth. It's often times you read or hear people arguing over what actually happened. I know half the movie isn't true because some people's lives are just boring, so hollywood decides to spruce it up a bit. This isn't an excuse for them to do so, but would Titanic have been a box office hit if James Cameron would have just had the ship set sail and film it sinking? Unfortunately, no. 

This Boy's Life is one of the first films I remember reading the book before seeing the movie. Some people get really upset if you don't read the book before seeing the movie, but that's an argument for another day. When I was fourteen, these memoirs were quite relatable. I knew exactly what he was going through and it made it a much more personal read through. The film adaptation is why we're here though.  

This tells the story of Tobias Wolff, Toby, or Jack, as he prefers, in his adolescence. His mother takes him to Salt Lake City where she believes they'll become wealthy after finding uranium. Much to her disbelief, all she finds are terrible jobs and even worse men. How does Jack adjust to it all? He loves his mother, so he'll follow her to the end of the earth. Of course, he does run into his fair share of trouble. Shoplifting, skipping school and fighting are just some of the things he get caught up with. He meets his match when his mother meets Dwight. Jack and his mother eventually move into Dwight's place in Concrete and from there brew's a war that boils into an all out brawl between Jack and Dwight before the end. The book, however, keeps going and he tells us of his life after concrete. This is where the hollywood argument comes to play because if they were keep filming it wouldn't end on such a positive note.

The story itself, at times, quite depressing, was compelling and rewarding in the end. Well, the movie was, but I'll get to that later. The cast was fantastic. Leonardo DiCaprio's portrayal of Jack was remarkable. Sure, he may young, but his acting skills seemed as if he had been doing this for twenty years already. A natural, if you will. He does have the most annoying screech, which could have inspired the most annoying sound in the world as heard in Dumb and Dumber, but he's young. Robert De Niro isn't new to playing a character of this stature. More like melding together two characters he's previously played. You find yourself easily despising De Niro throughout the film. Caroline, Jack's mother, is played by Ellen Barkin. I think this was her best role in her career. Yeah, she's quite the actress in all of her films, but she does an incredible job as Caroline. 

I found myself annoyed at times with this movie. Why? I just wanted his mother to realize that she was selfish and practically uninvolved with her son. This caused Jack to act selfish and lash out in the ways he did. If she hadn't been that way, maybe Jack wouldn't have suffered the abuse from Dwight. The last half of the movie she literally says that she will not referee in order to make her marriage work. Are you kidding me? Your husband torments your son and you want it to work? What would have happened if she hadn't intervened in the kitchen brawl? Even though she does snap back to reality (cue "Lose Yourself"), I just always find myself quite irritated and annoyed with how far she has to go before seeing that the marriage won't work. If I remember correctly, the marriage lasted two years.

This Boy's Life is a very well made adaptation. Maybe if it was made today instead of in '93, they would have told the entire story instead of focusing solely on the Dwight encounter. Those were different times because now I think people can handle realism, so they wouldn't need a light hearted ending. Think about a film like The Bicycle Thieves. His bike is stolen, never recovered, probably lost his job, life goes on and that was that. Anyways, it's a movie not to be missed. If you enjoyed films that are similar and also star DiCaprio in the lead role, The Basketball Diaries and Catch Me If You Can, you'll enjoy This Boy's Life.

IMDB: 7.3/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 6.4/10

WeFLM: 7/10

Come for the turkey shoot. Stay for the kitchen brawl.

-kp

I Spit on Your Grave 2 (2013)

Synopsis

If your going to model or act, you need to have pictures for your portfolio. These can be rather pricey unless you find someone willing to do them for free. But for Katie, nothing is free, but she will return the favor. 

Thoughts

Torture porn. Gorno. Gore films. Splatter films. Call it whatever you want, it has made quite a trendy comeback in the past decade. Sure, this subgenre of horror is made at least once a year, but has been more frequent for mainstream viewing. No, not A Serbian Film. That isn't quite a household name, but it has made its rounds on the internet living up to its notoriously violent nature. I'm speaking of films like The Last House on the Left, Hostel and Irreversible. More so the remakes like The Last House on the Left and The Hills Have Eyes. These have literally added gore and rape for the sake of shock. Don't get me wrong, I love a movie that doesn't hold back on the blood and gore makeup, but, do we really need to see a ten minute rape scene? The argument of artistic is invalid. It's absolutely unnecessary, much like doing a sequel for I Spit on Your Grave, but they did it anyways.

I Spit on Your Grave 2 is the follow up to the remake in 2010. When it was first announced, I was a little confused, but then I realized what they were going to do. Tell the same story over again, but this time make the creeps european instead of southern imbeciles. The first one was done well, so, why wouldn't this one be so great?

Here's the story of a lovely lady who wants to get some free pictures taken of her. Turns out the photographers are creepers who want her to take her clothes off for a few nude photos. She says no and storms out. One of the gentlemen, who seemed to be nice, brings her a flash drive, to her apartment, of the photos she had taken before being asked if she'd take her clothes off.  A little hesitant and further creeped out, but she takes the flash drive. Somehow this guy gets into her bedroom and takes photos of her while she sleeps. Obviously she wakes up, things get out of control, her roommate gets stabbed to death, she gets violated and then they ship her off to Bulgaria. 

Yes, she eventually gets her revenge, but it really isn't soon enough. I know it's setup to have you feel sympathy and make the revenge part of the film that much more enjoyable, but the first half of this film really drags. I can see setting up for what happens to her in Bulgaria, but showing it doesn't really add to the story. Sure, there's a little twist with her escaping, but the director could have easily just cut to them burying her. Not to mention, it's the same director, Steven R. Monroe, from the first remake! Was the first one being quite well made an accident? How did we go from that to something he shouldn't have even bothered with? 

The acting is terrible. You don't feel sorry for main character. You want her to take an acting course. When she's picked up by the detective and he reveals to her that she's in Bulgaria, I feel like I can guarantee she learned all her acting skills from watching episodes of Intervention. Everyone else was just as bad, but Jemma Dallender, who plays Katie, is the most memorable of them all. Remember how gritty the revenge was in the previous I Spit on your Grave? How it was brutal, yet satisfying see Jennifer perform castration? That's gone. All we get here is bad acting, bad puns (if that's what they were suppose to be) and lackluster revenge tactics. 

I knew I shouldn't have expected much from a sequel of a remake. However, I do think that if you're going to do quite well with the first, you should probably deliver for the second. Even if you are a fan of films like this, I Spit on Your Grave 2 is a hard, but sad to say, pass. For what it is, it runs too long, the acting is bad and it just doesn't deliver what you'd expect for a follow up to it's predecessor. If you are someone as curious as I am and have to see it, make sure it's free to watch. 

IMDB: 5.7/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 2.8/10

WeFLM: 1/10

-kp

Carrie (2013)

Synopsis

A young girl discovers she has telekinetic powers. Troubled at home and bullied at school, these powers may be of some use.

Thoughts

Remaking films is nothing new as I have discussed before. It seems that practically every film we consider a classic is being remade for the current generation and those to come as if the original just wasn't good enough, too dated to be viewed by this generation, or, money. That's just the way I feel every time I hear of a film, that is already quite well represented, being remade. Why would you want to remake something that is already a good film? To make it great? To bring in a new audience? You know what? If it was already something great, leave it alone. Granted, there are some truly remarkable remakes out there, but why not just leave well enough alone? End rant. 

Carrie, as you already know, is a movie based on a Stephen King novel by the same name. This is a remake I just can't forgive. Alright, the acting was good, but what about the rest of it? Why update the 1976 classic? Let me be frank, if there is a film that is undoubtedly a horrible original, then bring on the remake. Carrie was perfectly fine. On another note, there wasn't a need for The Rage: Carrie 2 or even the Carrie tv movie. 

Still, I pushed through the entire movie like a trooper that way I could weigh in on why I just can't stand this version. The true downfall to this remake is that it's the same damn movie with technology added. Yeah. This movie was remade to add the use of video sharing and cell phones. It's absolutely pointless. 

There really isn't much to say about the 2013 version of Carrie. I watched it and grew annoyed with each passing minute. Was the beginning with Julianne Moore even needed? NO! It added nothing to the plot what so ever. I swear, if someone tells me this was from the book, De Palma was right to not include it in the '76 version then because it was pointless. I should get around to reading the book though. 

I thought this could be a decent remake and I was sadly mistaken. If you enjoyed the original, do yourself a favor and skip this even if it's on cable. All you get here is something like the special editions of the original trilogy of Star Wars. It's that bad, people. Well, I have to actually give credit to the cast. They're the only reason I'm even giving this version any points at all. So, unless you're curious to see how the performances are, it just isn't really worth your time. 

IMDB: 6.0/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 5.4/10

WeFLM: 2/10

Don't come. Don't stay.

-kp

Hard Candy (2005)

Synopsis

Men and women chat online everyday. They sometimes decide to meet in person. Jeff met Hayley online and eventually brings her back to his place. What Jeff is unaware of is this is all a part of Hayley's plan.

Thoughts

Bargain bins are always fun to dig through. You never know all that you're going to find for five dollars until you've hit cardboard bottom. Yeah, I order from Amazon, peruse shelves in stores, wander aimlessly on Netflix and Hulu Plus, but they're never as fun as shuffling around movie after movie to find that one random film that sounds worthy of a purchase. The thrill of the dig!

About six years ago on one of my digs I came across a film called Hard Candy starring Ellen Page and Patrick Wilson. At this point, I hadn't seen Juno. I just didn't get around to it. This would be my introduction to her acting. For five dollars, the description sounded interesting enough.

It's a pretty simple premise that escalates rather quickly. Young girl meets adult guy online. They exchange flirtatious banter and eventually meet. They go back to his place, but girl, Hayley, is wiser than guy, Jeff, thinks. Hayley drugs Jeff's drink and the games begin. 

I really love a movie that can keep you engross even with how simplistic it may seem to be. I think the key for something in the vein of Hard Candy is the dialogue. I found myself hanging on to every word. There are many films where the dialogue is the focal point and it makes the film interesting to watch if it's, well, interesting. For example, 12 Angry Men is a very simple movie about twelve men in a room discussing whether or not a young man is innocent or guilty. Simple enough, but the dialogue is very compelling. A better comparison for Hard Candy would be Sleuth, but you get my point that the dialogue for something so simple is key.

My favorite part of this film is when the light leaves Wilson's, Jeff's, face. At this exact moment you know he's feeling the drugs. The next scene is high contrast and warm temperature giving the effect of his reaction to the drugs in the drink. Other segments of the film have this very drab blue tint over it and this is showcasing the darkness of Page's character, Hayley. There's so much you can tell just with lighting and color. The first part of the film is very bright and colorful giving this illusion that everything is normal. If you added some music full of cheer you'd have the makings of a sitcom. The minute the light left his face, I knew I was in for something much more. 

As far as the acting goes, I was fine up until the infamous procedure scene. Page was doing such a great job and then this unbelievable performance pops out of nowhere. And I mean unbelievable as in I wasn't convinced she was castrating him and called it the minute she opened her mouth at the beginning of the scene. It just felt so fake. I understand that the actual act was meant to be staged to terrify Wilson's character, but Page was not convincing at all. She was fine throughout the rest of the film is why I don't understand how she did such an awful job with this scene. 

Hard Candy is a well written and directed thriller. It won't exactly keep you on the edge of your seat, but it will keep you engrossed until the end. If you enjoy a good story of cat and mouse, definitely add it to your queue or even buy it. You won't be disappointed. Well, maybe with Page's performance as a surgeon. 

IMDB: 7.2/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 6.4/10

WeFLM: 7/10

-kp

Idle Hands (1999)

Synopsis

There's nothing more to life for Anton than getting stoned and watching TV all day. That is until his realizes his hand is a murderer. 

Thoughts

I enjoy comedy as much as I do horror. I'm not some snob that thinks something like Dumb and Dumber is beneath them. Seeing that I don't watch movies to boost my IQ, lowbrow humor entertains me as much something sophisticated. Call me open minded. But if you combine teenage stoners with typical humor and a horror story about the devil murdering people by possessing people's hands, you'd have one hell of a classic on your hands. No pun intended. 

When Idle Hands was finally available to rent, we made that maiden voyage to the video store to pick it up. This one was watched as many times as possible until it had to be returned to just be rented again. Lucky for us, after a few more times of renting it back to back, they just gave us the copy. Alright, you get it. I love this movie. Everything about it is just fun.

To expect anything from something that is a pretty senseless comedy, would be presumptuous. It's about a dense teenager that sits around all day smoking pot and watching television who's hand becomes possessed by the devil and murders people. Try not to look for any meaning. Also, the whole devil thing is merely implied. Yes, something satanic/demonic has possessed his hand, but you're never clued into what it exactly is. The best part is the irony in what saves the day in the end. 

The humor throughout is pretty damn funny. Senseless humor, so again, don't look much into it. Anton murders his two friends who come back to life. The logical question here would be to ask why didn't his parents, or anyone else for that matter, come back to life? My logical reply...they wouldn't be as funny as his friends. Devon Sawa, Seth Green and Elden Henson are pretty good at playing stoner buffoons. Jessica Alba is pretty much eye candy here, but at least Vivica A. Fox has a contributing role as a druidic high priestess. After Anton, played by Devon Sawa, cuts off his hand, it gets a role on its own. For just being a hand, it performed very well. Think about that for a second. A hand...performed very well. Luckily the dialogue in the film was entertaining enough, that a hand didn't outshine the entire cast. That might've been pretty damning for their careers. 

All the blood and makeup was great. You've got the top half of a beer bottle sticking out of Seth Green's head, Elden Henson carrying around his head until eventually being put back on with a pitchfork and a hand transformed into something truly evil looking after  a run through the microwave. Oh, how could I forget The Offspring frontman's scalp being ripped back. 

Idle Hands is a really neat slasher comedy. Fifteen years later and it's just as fu as it was back in '99. I'm sure you already know that this is a must ad for your collection. It's for the days you need some light, humorous and bloody at the same time. This isn't one for the background either because it's actually entertaining from start to finish. Head on over to Amazon and order a copy. 

IMDB: 6.1/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 3.4/10

WeFLM: 6/10

Come for the Leatherface joke. Stay for the scalping.

-kp

Otis (2008)

Synopsis

Prom is suppose to be every girls dream come true in high school. Unfortunately for Riley, it's Otis' dream every day and her name is Kim, or else. 

Thoughts

Direct to DVD can sometimes mean that it's just not worth your time. Kind of like those Disney sequels that are pretty much b-side songs from the first movie that just weren't good enough for the first film or to make it necessary to be a theatrical release. Or, the ones that are so bad you wonder who in their right mind would produce it. Then you get those rare finds with decent production value and an interesting story to follow that you're baffled as to why it went straight to DVD. 

Otis is a nice little comedy horror gem. It's definitely more of a black comedy seeing that the subject matter is actually quite dark. This is one twisted and disturbing one sided love story. Somehow, it quite entertaining to watch. 

The story is quite simple. Otis is a delusional pizza delivery man obsessed over his sister-in-law, Kim. How does he fulfill this obsession? By kidnapping young teenage girls and living out this fantasy that he's an all-star high school football player who's going to take "Kim" to the prom. Yeah, another horror movie about prom. You'd think the plots for horror films about proms would be exhausted by now, but Otis found found a way to keep it alive and well. 

The characters are done quite well. Bostin Christopher reallys nails portraying Otis. I don't think I could picture anyone else playing the overweight, disgusting, simple minded, disturbing individual. Kevin Pollack is a nice polar opposite to Otis as his ill tempered brother. Illeana Douglas plays a great vengeful mother while Daniel Stern plays the pathetic father. For this movie, the cast couldn't be more perfect. 

The movie moves along at a decent pace. Towards the end though, it kind of lags a bit. I found myself losing interest. Earlier, I stated that some straight to DVD's can baffle you as to why they weren't a theatrical release. Even though Otis has decent production value, a great cast (for this, at least) and a somewhat interesting story, the second half of the film drags. A good 15 minutes could have been cut, kind of like the second sentence of this paragraph. Probably easier said than done, but for something like this, I think you'd want to keep the viewer's interest. The case of mistaken identity and the final scene of the movie makes up for it though. I think they should have stuck with the alternate ending though. 

Otis has a very dark subject matter that it takes very lightly, hence the black comedy tag I added. I'd suggest that if you're not someone who can take certain matters lightly, pass this one up. If you're interested in seeing a decent straight to DVD movie that's kind of entertaining, make Otis a cheap rent or add it to your Netflix queue. 

IMDB: 6.1/10

Rotten Tomatoes: N/A

WeFLM: 5/10

Come for the performances. Stay for the alternate ending.

-kp

The House By The Cemetery (1981)

Synopsis

A man moves his family into Oak Manor to continue the research of a recently deceased colleague. What he doesn't know is that his research resides in the basement of their new home, feeding on the cells of his victims to stay alive.

Thoughts

Decades all have their own feel to them. From the clothes to the music, it all dates itself. Movies from the 80's are no different. John Hughes practically owned the 80's with his family oriented classics: National Lampoon's Vacation, Planes, Trains and Automobiles and Uncle Buck. Of course, we can't forget his melodramatic teen angst films like The Breakfast Club or Sixteen Candles. Yeah, those have the 80's written all over them. But, what about Horror in the 80's? Equally, if not more, cheesy.

Lucio Fulci has brought us some of the most classic horror films of all time. The House by the Cemetery doesn't hold a candle to his most notable film, Zombie (Zombi 2), but it can hold it's own. 

Here, we get a story about a family who's decided to move to a remote location in Boston so the husband can continue a deceased colleague's research on Dr. Freudstein. This is in no way an original film. It takes little things from other films and mashes them together and tada, 87 minutes of pure entertainment. Does that make this film pointless to watch? Not at all. It is actually quite interesting to see all these subtle inspirations come together. The opening scene is practically cut and pasted from Halloween, but it's still fantastic. 

You know, I was going to say the acting is pretty awful. It's true, but what makes it worse is the dubbing. Prepare to laugh the entire time you hear Bob speak. His acting on top of the dubbing is quite possibly the funniest and worst thing I have ever seen in a horror film. Bob is right up there with that annoying kid from Troll 2. They should get together and start a support group for most annoying kids in film. To add insult to injury, just watch everyone's facial expressions during the bat scene. What was the direction for that scene? Look terrified, but shocked, but also confused? Bob's facial expressions are pretty bad throughout. I also can't forget the scene with the two children in the woods. You're just going to have to see that unknowingly piece of comedic genius yourself. 

Fulci has never been one to shy away from blood and gore. The makeup in his films is great. Freudstein may look like a dried out, month old turkey, but he's still comes off as creepy. Freudstein's lair, aka the basement in the house the Boyle's are staying in, is full of fresh limbs. Bloody hands all over his surgery table. Throughout the film there's head's falling off, a knife through a girl's head and much more additions to this rather subtle gore film. 

The soundtrack is a campy classic. There's this haunting score comes in whenever Freudstein attacks. Think "Holiday Road" without vocals, slowed down and played backwards. It's definitely one of the main reasons to see this movie. 

So, The House by the Cemetery isn't the greatest horror film of all time, but it one you can't miss. If you really enjoy that campy cheesy feel, which was pretty much 70's and 80's slasher films, you'll absolutely love The House by the Cemetery. If you've already seen it, then you know it's time to sit down for another viewing. 

IMDB: 6.3/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 4.7/10

WeFLM: 5/10

Come for the glowing eyes. Stay for Bob.

-kp 

Stake Land (2010)

Synopsis

A pandemic of vampires has driven America into post apocalyptic times, but Mister and Martin are on the search for a better place and slaying any vampires they come across on the way. 

Thoughts

Horror films sometimes receive negative criticism when they decide to be more serious than the usual bloodbath. For some, it's like watching a comedian take on a dramatic role. A little substance, more than the typical plots of a horror film, is a nice addition from time to time. In all fairness, to expect logic with horror, even those with a much deeper thought process, would be pretty dumb. I say all this because films like Stake Land receive the negative criticism for their efforts. 

Dark, full of blood and a very serious tone throughout, Stake Land delivers a solid story. For a vampire film it's definitely made my favorite list. For an independent film, it was done quite well. The acting, although average, was done quite well too. You're not going to feel a connection to the characters though. There is a leering effect of emotion and that takes the film from good to great. 

For something of this nature, I did expect a bit more depth and relation. There is somewhat of a back story for Martin in the beginning, but after that the movie goes back to the present. The dialogue back stories for other characters is there, but I would have just preferred seeing where they came from. Just a personal preference. The dialogue worked fine. I just think that would have definitely given the characters a more relatable performance. But, with the tone of the film, I understand why they were distant. The narration from Martin throughout is a nice touch. 

The vampires act more like the zombies from 28 Days Later. You know, vicious and bloodthirsty. Hell, if you didn't know they had fangs, you'd think they were zombies. Since this is from the same guys that brought us Mulberry St., it's understandable. The makeup overall was done pretty well. 

Even though I can agree with some of the negative criticisms people have towards Stake Land, I can ignore them enough to say it's actually a great movie. The fact that the outbreak isn't explained doesn't bother me at all. It adds a sense of mystery. I was a little hesitant about the religious aspect, but it wasn't as pointless as some people made it out to be. I will admit that the villain fight was kind of pointless, but it was shot well, so I'll let it slide. The narration didn't bother me either. This was probably the most bothersome for others I watched this with. I thought it added to the film.

Although this is pretty much Zombieland without the zombies or, most of all, the humor, it still stands strong for a vampire movie in a post apocalyptic setting. If you're a collector of movies, this is one to add to the collection. Sure, it has its faults, but all films do and there are ones that are far worse than Stake Land.

IMDB: 6.6/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 6.5/10

WeFLM: 7/10

Come for the vampires. Stay for the kills.

-kp

Arcade (1993)

Synopsis

A new virtual reality game has just been released at Dante's Inferno and it wants more than your quarters...it wants you.

Thoughts

The closest thing I've ever got to going to anything that resembled an arcade was a Celebration Station, Dave & Buster's and the Wal-Mart game room. Sad, I know, but when arcades were all the rage, I was still a little kid. There are arcade bars in Chicago that I was lucky enough to visit, but it's just not the same. I have to admit though, having a refreshing 16 ounce craft beer while playing Smash TV and Addams Family pinball is a dream come true. On another note, after I saw Arcade, I was kind of terrified and somewhat glad I never got to go to an arcade. 

Arcade is the Bishop of Battle for the 90's. An inspiration for future video game films (Brainscan, see?). The main difference between Arcade and Brainscan was that the Arcade really "sucked in" the players where Brainscan was all in the player's head. I think what added to the terror for a nine year old was the fact that Arcade was available to play at home. Not in real life, which would actually be pretty awesome, but in the movie. Yeah, take your fate home and hook it right up to your television for some good ol' fashioned home soul sucking. What a treat! Not only that, only your friends will give damn. Does anyone in this movie have any parents? I can only assume none of their parents would believe them anyways. Pretty much the theme for teenagers in 90's movies anyway. Also, why is it just this one group of teenagers being taken by Arcade? Wasn't that arcade packed full of other teenagers? Was the game that terrifying to the others there that only the main cast of teens were brave enough to play it? Likely story. 

It was nice to see Ralphie, I mean, Peter Billingsley in this. For a B-rated movie, it was kind of surprising that the acting wasn't completely terrible. You'd think that with some pretty terrible dialogue, the acting would follow suit. Not bad, though. 

I will forever, jokingly of course, swear that George Lucas stole his pod racing scene for the unbearable Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace from Arcade. The pod crashes look awfully reminiscent of the skull hover ship crash in Arcade. With that being said, the graphics are so terrible to look at in this film, that they somehow make the movie great. So, for 1993, the effects were pretty awesome. Again, I was only nine when I first saw it, so of course they looked mind blowing. For today, purely nostalgic. I enjoy watching Arcade still, but I do find myself laughing more and more as each year passes. That doesn't necessarily mean I think it's a bad movie now, but it's one of those movies that was definitely better as a kid. 

Arcade is worth checking out if you're into the whole video games coming to life and taking your soul, or even if you just want a history lesson in old school visual effects. Well, that and to see Seth Green before gracing us on Buffy The Vampire Slayer and with Robot Chicken. 

IMDB: 5.3/10

Rotten Tomatoes: N/A (Audience - 2.8/5)

WeFLM: 5/10

Come for Ralphie. Stay for the game play. 

-kp

Brainscan (1994)

Synopsis

A new video game attaches itself to the subconscious and puts the player in complete control...

of murder!

Thoughts

With my love/hate relationship for The Evil Within continues, I figured it only fitting to take a trip down nostalgia road. 

From Atari to PC to current generation consoles, I've always enjoyed playing video games. Now, there's absolutely nothing wrong with the classic 8-bit side scroller, but, there's nothing better than actually being a part of the experience though. That feeling that you are the character you're controlling. The sense of emotion that overcomes you when beloved characters die. It just makes the game that much more of an entertaining experience. Why not take this experience to the big screen? No, I don't mean to the likes of Uwe Boll. 

Brainscan is a fantasy horror gem from the mid nineties about a teenager, Michael, who's seen and played it all. Well, that is until he gets his hands on Brainscan. The concept of this movie is kind of original, but not entirely. In 1993, Full Moon Entertainment released the cult classic, Arcade. For me, that serves as inspiration for Brainscan. The concepts are similar: video game is somewhat alive, video game kills people. Similar, but also quite different. You know what, I'll just write about Arcade tomorrow for reference. My point being this, although the concept isn't entirely original, it is still unique. Think It's a Wonderful Life, but with a psychological fantasy horror twist. Ever since seeing this, I have wanted to play a game that attached to my subconscious. 

Even though I still want to play a game like Brainscan, it doesn't stop me from wanting to pick this film apart. The acting was terrible. Edward Furlong has never changed. Remember what I said about Matthew Lillard in Thirteen Ghosts? The same applies for Furlong. His character, Michael, is kind of a creeper. Well, I guess all can be forgiven with his voyeurism since his neighbor actually likes it. Yeah, and at the end, you find out she's just as creepy. Awkward teenage love. T. Ryder Smith as the Trickster was laughable, but he was meant to be. Maybe he could have been a tad bit more horrifying, but sine this movie was targeted at the younger generation, I'm assuming comedic relief was needed. I could forgive the acting because most of the film is technically in a video game and they're known for ridiculous acting which is actually a nice touch...only if that was what they were really going for. 

As cheesy as the graphics are for today's standards, they're still neat to me. The scene where the Trickster come out of the television is awesome. Alright, my nostalgia is getting the best of me, but it still looks great. When the Trickster and Michael merge as one, which I still think inspired the final scene of Timecop, was pretty damn cool. That mucus that spewed from Trickster's eyes was a delight. Alright, enough with the gushing. 

Brainscan is pretty decent for a movie about a video game that isn't based off of an actual video game. Films like this are less common, yet somehow don't get the recognition they deserve. It's not much, but it is still deserved. Maybe instead of taking games we love and turning them into terrible films, come up with a somewhat original twist of a classic that inspires endings to future films. Would you be wasting your time watching it if you've never seen it? Let's just say you should absolutely have nothing else going on, exhausted Netflix, folded your laundry, cleaned the gutters, filed your taxes and having take out for dinner. For those who have seen it, there's nothing wrong with taking a trip down memory lane. 

IMDB: 6.1/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 4/10

WeFLM: 5/10

Come for the Trickster. Stay for ending credits scene.

-kp

Event Horizon (1997)

Synopsis

The Lewis and Clark head to the Event Horizon, a ship that had disappeared, but has now returned, to investigate a distress signal. Something else has returned with the ship and it wants to torture their souls.

Thoughts

I always become intrigued when I hear of a film that blends science fiction and horror. Although the whole "space crew on a secret mission that goes awry" plot is well overdone, I'll still sit through a film with that premise because they're hit or miss really. Sure, some of our beloved iconic horror figures (Jason X, Leprechaun 4: In Space, Hellraiser: Bloodlines) have fallen prey to the, ironic, horrific outer space plot, but we all know those are barely redeemable as a science fiction horror film. No, we're looking for something that isn't trying to cash in and has a somewhat of an original story.

The first time I saw Event Horizon, I was 13 years old and my mom and I just so happened to catch it on HBO around 11 PM. Usually, my parents would avoid the movie channels after 10 PM due to the fact that around that time, all that was on was softcore porn. With the upgrade to the new cable boxes though, we got the on screen digital TV guide and those awkward moments of stumbling on to naked dry humping were avoided. 

Visually, this movie is absolutely brilliant. Quite aesthetically pleasing. It's as if every single shot was handled with care. Dare I say, a sort of precision. Meh, too much credit, but the movie looks fantastic. It has its faults, but not many to really note though. The way everything was lit really adds to the horror tone of the film. Yes, tons of technical lighting techniques were used, but for the sake of trying not to sound like a know-it-all, we'll just say it was done very well. 

The make-up and effects still look amazing. Well, the fact that they used CGI for the zero gravity props in the opening scene of the film is kind of pointless, but everything else looks just as terrifying as it did the first time I watched it. The CGI is pointless because they could have easily used real props and created a levitating effect. Why does this bother me? Because of all the lifelike effects of blood and advanced technology that they used. The detail that they put into those aspects are, again, absolutely brilliant. Even though there were shots done with green/blue screens, those CGI floating props are annoying. Oh, and Dr. Weir's eyes...I'm just going to throw that in the same boat with the floating props.

The plot of Event Horizon is pretty decent. The pacing was great. I felt pretty engaged the entire time. The film definitely moves from science fiction to an all out action horror towards the end and it does it quite well. The final act of the film is what makes it so great. The psychological outcome leaves room for people to speculate on sequel possibilities. I say a sequel would be absolutely terrible and I hope no one ever attempts it. I'll give you an example of a movie that ended quite similarly and ended up getting a sequel. The Descent was fine the way it ended. It left the viewer to speculate, maybe eve write up some fan fiction. But no, someone couldn't leave well enough alone and we got The Descent: Part 2. I rest my case.

Event Horizon is one hell of a film not to be missed. Science fiction and horror blended very well and the visuals are quite stunning. However, do not expect academy award winning acting here. Also, the stereotypical funny guy...here's there too. Still, see Event Horizon if you haven't. 

IMDB: 6.7/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 4.4/10

WeFLM: 6.5/10

Come for the science fiction. Stay for the horror.

-kp