I Spit on Your Grave 2 (2013)

Synopsis

If your going to model or act, you need to have pictures for your portfolio. These can be rather pricey unless you find someone willing to do them for free. But for Katie, nothing is free, but she will return the favor. 

Thoughts

Torture porn. Gorno. Gore films. Splatter films. Call it whatever you want, it has made quite a trendy comeback in the past decade. Sure, this subgenre of horror is made at least once a year, but has been more frequent for mainstream viewing. No, not A Serbian Film. That isn't quite a household name, but it has made its rounds on the internet living up to its notoriously violent nature. I'm speaking of films like The Last House on the Left, Hostel and Irreversible. More so the remakes like The Last House on the Left and The Hills Have Eyes. These have literally added gore and rape for the sake of shock. Don't get me wrong, I love a movie that doesn't hold back on the blood and gore makeup, but, do we really need to see a ten minute rape scene? The argument of artistic is invalid. It's absolutely unnecessary, much like doing a sequel for I Spit on Your Grave, but they did it anyways.

I Spit on Your Grave 2 is the follow up to the remake in 2010. When it was first announced, I was a little confused, but then I realized what they were going to do. Tell the same story over again, but this time make the creeps european instead of southern imbeciles. The first one was done well, so, why wouldn't this one be so great?

Here's the story of a lovely lady who wants to get some free pictures taken of her. Turns out the photographers are creepers who want her to take her clothes off for a few nude photos. She says no and storms out. One of the gentlemen, who seemed to be nice, brings her a flash drive, to her apartment, of the photos she had taken before being asked if she'd take her clothes off.  A little hesitant and further creeped out, but she takes the flash drive. Somehow this guy gets into her bedroom and takes photos of her while she sleeps. Obviously she wakes up, things get out of control, her roommate gets stabbed to death, she gets violated and then they ship her off to Bulgaria. 

Yes, she eventually gets her revenge, but it really isn't soon enough. I know it's setup to have you feel sympathy and make the revenge part of the film that much more enjoyable, but the first half of this film really drags. I can see setting up for what happens to her in Bulgaria, but showing it doesn't really add to the story. Sure, there's a little twist with her escaping, but the director could have easily just cut to them burying her. Not to mention, it's the same director, Steven R. Monroe, from the first remake! Was the first one being quite well made an accident? How did we go from that to something he shouldn't have even bothered with? 

The acting is terrible. You don't feel sorry for main character. You want her to take an acting course. When she's picked up by the detective and he reveals to her that she's in Bulgaria, I feel like I can guarantee she learned all her acting skills from watching episodes of Intervention. Everyone else was just as bad, but Jemma Dallender, who plays Katie, is the most memorable of them all. Remember how gritty the revenge was in the previous I Spit on your Grave? How it was brutal, yet satisfying see Jennifer perform castration? That's gone. All we get here is bad acting, bad puns (if that's what they were suppose to be) and lackluster revenge tactics. 

I knew I shouldn't have expected much from a sequel of a remake. However, I do think that if you're going to do quite well with the first, you should probably deliver for the second. Even if you are a fan of films like this, I Spit on Your Grave 2 is a hard, but sad to say, pass. For what it is, it runs too long, the acting is bad and it just doesn't deliver what you'd expect for a follow up to it's predecessor. If you are someone as curious as I am and have to see it, make sure it's free to watch. 

IMDB: 5.7/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 2.8/10

WeFLM: 1/10

-kp

Carrie (2013)

Synopsis

A young girl discovers she has telekinetic powers. Troubled at home and bullied at school, these powers may be of some use.

Thoughts

Remaking films is nothing new as I have discussed before. It seems that practically every film we consider a classic is being remade for the current generation and those to come as if the original just wasn't good enough, too dated to be viewed by this generation, or, money. That's just the way I feel every time I hear of a film, that is already quite well represented, being remade. Why would you want to remake something that is already a good film? To make it great? To bring in a new audience? You know what? If it was already something great, leave it alone. Granted, there are some truly remarkable remakes out there, but why not just leave well enough alone? End rant. 

Carrie, as you already know, is a movie based on a Stephen King novel by the same name. This is a remake I just can't forgive. Alright, the acting was good, but what about the rest of it? Why update the 1976 classic? Let me be frank, if there is a film that is undoubtedly a horrible original, then bring on the remake. Carrie was perfectly fine. On another note, there wasn't a need for The Rage: Carrie 2 or even the Carrie tv movie. 

Still, I pushed through the entire movie like a trooper that way I could weigh in on why I just can't stand this version. The true downfall to this remake is that it's the same damn movie with technology added. Yeah. This movie was remade to add the use of video sharing and cell phones. It's absolutely pointless. 

There really isn't much to say about the 2013 version of Carrie. I watched it and grew annoyed with each passing minute. Was the beginning with Julianne Moore even needed? NO! It added nothing to the plot what so ever. I swear, if someone tells me this was from the book, De Palma was right to not include it in the '76 version then because it was pointless. I should get around to reading the book though. 

I thought this could be a decent remake and I was sadly mistaken. If you enjoyed the original, do yourself a favor and skip this even if it's on cable. All you get here is something like the special editions of the original trilogy of Star Wars. It's that bad, people. Well, I have to actually give credit to the cast. They're the only reason I'm even giving this version any points at all. So, unless you're curious to see how the performances are, it just isn't really worth your time. 

IMDB: 6.0/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 5.4/10

WeFLM: 2/10

Don't come. Don't stay.

-kp

Hard Candy (2005)

Synopsis

Men and women chat online everyday. They sometimes decide to meet in person. Jeff met Hayley online and eventually brings her back to his place. What Jeff is unaware of is this is all a part of Hayley's plan.

Thoughts

Bargain bins are always fun to dig through. You never know all that you're going to find for five dollars until you've hit cardboard bottom. Yeah, I order from Amazon, peruse shelves in stores, wander aimlessly on Netflix and Hulu Plus, but they're never as fun as shuffling around movie after movie to find that one random film that sounds worthy of a purchase. The thrill of the dig!

About six years ago on one of my digs I came across a film called Hard Candy starring Ellen Page and Patrick Wilson. At this point, I hadn't seen Juno. I just didn't get around to it. This would be my introduction to her acting. For five dollars, the description sounded interesting enough.

It's a pretty simple premise that escalates rather quickly. Young girl meets adult guy online. They exchange flirtatious banter and eventually meet. They go back to his place, but girl, Hayley, is wiser than guy, Jeff, thinks. Hayley drugs Jeff's drink and the games begin. 

I really love a movie that can keep you engross even with how simplistic it may seem to be. I think the key for something in the vein of Hard Candy is the dialogue. I found myself hanging on to every word. There are many films where the dialogue is the focal point and it makes the film interesting to watch if it's, well, interesting. For example, 12 Angry Men is a very simple movie about twelve men in a room discussing whether or not a young man is innocent or guilty. Simple enough, but the dialogue is very compelling. A better comparison for Hard Candy would be Sleuth, but you get my point that the dialogue for something so simple is key.

My favorite part of this film is when the light leaves Wilson's, Jeff's, face. At this exact moment you know he's feeling the drugs. The next scene is high contrast and warm temperature giving the effect of his reaction to the drugs in the drink. Other segments of the film have this very drab blue tint over it and this is showcasing the darkness of Page's character, Hayley. There's so much you can tell just with lighting and color. The first part of the film is very bright and colorful giving this illusion that everything is normal. If you added some music full of cheer you'd have the makings of a sitcom. The minute the light left his face, I knew I was in for something much more. 

As far as the acting goes, I was fine up until the infamous procedure scene. Page was doing such a great job and then this unbelievable performance pops out of nowhere. And I mean unbelievable as in I wasn't convinced she was castrating him and called it the minute she opened her mouth at the beginning of the scene. It just felt so fake. I understand that the actual act was meant to be staged to terrify Wilson's character, but Page was not convincing at all. She was fine throughout the rest of the film is why I don't understand how she did such an awful job with this scene. 

Hard Candy is a well written and directed thriller. It won't exactly keep you on the edge of your seat, but it will keep you engrossed until the end. If you enjoy a good story of cat and mouse, definitely add it to your queue or even buy it. You won't be disappointed. Well, maybe with Page's performance as a surgeon. 

IMDB: 7.2/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 6.4/10

WeFLM: 7/10

-kp

Idle Hands (1999)

Synopsis

There's nothing more to life for Anton than getting stoned and watching TV all day. That is until his realizes his hand is a murderer. 

Thoughts

I enjoy comedy as much as I do horror. I'm not some snob that thinks something like Dumb and Dumber is beneath them. Seeing that I don't watch movies to boost my IQ, lowbrow humor entertains me as much something sophisticated. Call me open minded. But if you combine teenage stoners with typical humor and a horror story about the devil murdering people by possessing people's hands, you'd have one hell of a classic on your hands. No pun intended. 

When Idle Hands was finally available to rent, we made that maiden voyage to the video store to pick it up. This one was watched as many times as possible until it had to be returned to just be rented again. Lucky for us, after a few more times of renting it back to back, they just gave us the copy. Alright, you get it. I love this movie. Everything about it is just fun.

To expect anything from something that is a pretty senseless comedy, would be presumptuous. It's about a dense teenager that sits around all day smoking pot and watching television who's hand becomes possessed by the devil and murders people. Try not to look for any meaning. Also, the whole devil thing is merely implied. Yes, something satanic/demonic has possessed his hand, but you're never clued into what it exactly is. The best part is the irony in what saves the day in the end. 

The humor throughout is pretty damn funny. Senseless humor, so again, don't look much into it. Anton murders his two friends who come back to life. The logical question here would be to ask why didn't his parents, or anyone else for that matter, come back to life? My logical reply...they wouldn't be as funny as his friends. Devon Sawa, Seth Green and Elden Henson are pretty good at playing stoner buffoons. Jessica Alba is pretty much eye candy here, but at least Vivica A. Fox has a contributing role as a druidic high priestess. After Anton, played by Devon Sawa, cuts off his hand, it gets a role on its own. For just being a hand, it performed very well. Think about that for a second. A hand...performed very well. Luckily the dialogue in the film was entertaining enough, that a hand didn't outshine the entire cast. That might've been pretty damning for their careers. 

All the blood and makeup was great. You've got the top half of a beer bottle sticking out of Seth Green's head, Elden Henson carrying around his head until eventually being put back on with a pitchfork and a hand transformed into something truly evil looking after  a run through the microwave. Oh, how could I forget The Offspring frontman's scalp being ripped back. 

Idle Hands is a really neat slasher comedy. Fifteen years later and it's just as fu as it was back in '99. I'm sure you already know that this is a must ad for your collection. It's for the days you need some light, humorous and bloody at the same time. This isn't one for the background either because it's actually entertaining from start to finish. Head on over to Amazon and order a copy. 

IMDB: 6.1/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 3.4/10

WeFLM: 6/10

Come for the Leatherface joke. Stay for the scalping.

-kp

Otis (2008)

Synopsis

Prom is suppose to be every girls dream come true in high school. Unfortunately for Riley, it's Otis' dream every day and her name is Kim, or else. 

Thoughts

Direct to DVD can sometimes mean that it's just not worth your time. Kind of like those Disney sequels that are pretty much b-side songs from the first movie that just weren't good enough for the first film or to make it necessary to be a theatrical release. Or, the ones that are so bad you wonder who in their right mind would produce it. Then you get those rare finds with decent production value and an interesting story to follow that you're baffled as to why it went straight to DVD. 

Otis is a nice little comedy horror gem. It's definitely more of a black comedy seeing that the subject matter is actually quite dark. This is one twisted and disturbing one sided love story. Somehow, it quite entertaining to watch. 

The story is quite simple. Otis is a delusional pizza delivery man obsessed over his sister-in-law, Kim. How does he fulfill this obsession? By kidnapping young teenage girls and living out this fantasy that he's an all-star high school football player who's going to take "Kim" to the prom. Yeah, another horror movie about prom. You'd think the plots for horror films about proms would be exhausted by now, but Otis found found a way to keep it alive and well. 

The characters are done quite well. Bostin Christopher reallys nails portraying Otis. I don't think I could picture anyone else playing the overweight, disgusting, simple minded, disturbing individual. Kevin Pollack is a nice polar opposite to Otis as his ill tempered brother. Illeana Douglas plays a great vengeful mother while Daniel Stern plays the pathetic father. For this movie, the cast couldn't be more perfect. 

The movie moves along at a decent pace. Towards the end though, it kind of lags a bit. I found myself losing interest. Earlier, I stated that some straight to DVD's can baffle you as to why they weren't a theatrical release. Even though Otis has decent production value, a great cast (for this, at least) and a somewhat interesting story, the second half of the film drags. A good 15 minutes could have been cut, kind of like the second sentence of this paragraph. Probably easier said than done, but for something like this, I think you'd want to keep the viewer's interest. The case of mistaken identity and the final scene of the movie makes up for it though. I think they should have stuck with the alternate ending though. 

Otis has a very dark subject matter that it takes very lightly, hence the black comedy tag I added. I'd suggest that if you're not someone who can take certain matters lightly, pass this one up. If you're interested in seeing a decent straight to DVD movie that's kind of entertaining, make Otis a cheap rent or add it to your Netflix queue. 

IMDB: 6.1/10

Rotten Tomatoes: N/A

WeFLM: 5/10

Come for the performances. Stay for the alternate ending.

-kp

The House By The Cemetery (1981)

Synopsis

A man moves his family into Oak Manor to continue the research of a recently deceased colleague. What he doesn't know is that his research resides in the basement of their new home, feeding on the cells of his victims to stay alive.

Thoughts

Decades all have their own feel to them. From the clothes to the music, it all dates itself. Movies from the 80's are no different. John Hughes practically owned the 80's with his family oriented classics: National Lampoon's Vacation, Planes, Trains and Automobiles and Uncle Buck. Of course, we can't forget his melodramatic teen angst films like The Breakfast Club or Sixteen Candles. Yeah, those have the 80's written all over them. But, what about Horror in the 80's? Equally, if not more, cheesy.

Lucio Fulci has brought us some of the most classic horror films of all time. The House by the Cemetery doesn't hold a candle to his most notable film, Zombie (Zombi 2), but it can hold it's own. 

Here, we get a story about a family who's decided to move to a remote location in Boston so the husband can continue a deceased colleague's research on Dr. Freudstein. This is in no way an original film. It takes little things from other films and mashes them together and tada, 87 minutes of pure entertainment. Does that make this film pointless to watch? Not at all. It is actually quite interesting to see all these subtle inspirations come together. The opening scene is practically cut and pasted from Halloween, but it's still fantastic. 

You know, I was going to say the acting is pretty awful. It's true, but what makes it worse is the dubbing. Prepare to laugh the entire time you hear Bob speak. His acting on top of the dubbing is quite possibly the funniest and worst thing I have ever seen in a horror film. Bob is right up there with that annoying kid from Troll 2. They should get together and start a support group for most annoying kids in film. To add insult to injury, just watch everyone's facial expressions during the bat scene. What was the direction for that scene? Look terrified, but shocked, but also confused? Bob's facial expressions are pretty bad throughout. I also can't forget the scene with the two children in the woods. You're just going to have to see that unknowingly piece of comedic genius yourself. 

Fulci has never been one to shy away from blood and gore. The makeup in his films is great. Freudstein may look like a dried out, month old turkey, but he's still comes off as creepy. Freudstein's lair, aka the basement in the house the Boyle's are staying in, is full of fresh limbs. Bloody hands all over his surgery table. Throughout the film there's head's falling off, a knife through a girl's head and much more additions to this rather subtle gore film. 

The soundtrack is a campy classic. There's this haunting score comes in whenever Freudstein attacks. Think "Holiday Road" without vocals, slowed down and played backwards. It's definitely one of the main reasons to see this movie. 

So, The House by the Cemetery isn't the greatest horror film of all time, but it one you can't miss. If you really enjoy that campy cheesy feel, which was pretty much 70's and 80's slasher films, you'll absolutely love The House by the Cemetery. If you've already seen it, then you know it's time to sit down for another viewing. 

IMDB: 6.3/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 4.7/10

WeFLM: 5/10

Come for the glowing eyes. Stay for Bob.

-kp 

Stake Land (2010)

Synopsis

A pandemic of vampires has driven America into post apocalyptic times, but Mister and Martin are on the search for a better place and slaying any vampires they come across on the way. 

Thoughts

Horror films sometimes receive negative criticism when they decide to be more serious than the usual bloodbath. For some, it's like watching a comedian take on a dramatic role. A little substance, more than the typical plots of a horror film, is a nice addition from time to time. In all fairness, to expect logic with horror, even those with a much deeper thought process, would be pretty dumb. I say all this because films like Stake Land receive the negative criticism for their efforts. 

Dark, full of blood and a very serious tone throughout, Stake Land delivers a solid story. For a vampire film it's definitely made my favorite list. For an independent film, it was done quite well. The acting, although average, was done quite well too. You're not going to feel a connection to the characters though. There is a leering effect of emotion and that takes the film from good to great. 

For something of this nature, I did expect a bit more depth and relation. There is somewhat of a back story for Martin in the beginning, but after that the movie goes back to the present. The dialogue back stories for other characters is there, but I would have just preferred seeing where they came from. Just a personal preference. The dialogue worked fine. I just think that would have definitely given the characters a more relatable performance. But, with the tone of the film, I understand why they were distant. The narration from Martin throughout is a nice touch. 

The vampires act more like the zombies from 28 Days Later. You know, vicious and bloodthirsty. Hell, if you didn't know they had fangs, you'd think they were zombies. Since this is from the same guys that brought us Mulberry St., it's understandable. The makeup overall was done pretty well. 

Even though I can agree with some of the negative criticisms people have towards Stake Land, I can ignore them enough to say it's actually a great movie. The fact that the outbreak isn't explained doesn't bother me at all. It adds a sense of mystery. I was a little hesitant about the religious aspect, but it wasn't as pointless as some people made it out to be. I will admit that the villain fight was kind of pointless, but it was shot well, so I'll let it slide. The narration didn't bother me either. This was probably the most bothersome for others I watched this with. I thought it added to the film.

Although this is pretty much Zombieland without the zombies or, most of all, the humor, it still stands strong for a vampire movie in a post apocalyptic setting. If you're a collector of movies, this is one to add to the collection. Sure, it has its faults, but all films do and there are ones that are far worse than Stake Land.

IMDB: 6.6/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 6.5/10

WeFLM: 7/10

Come for the vampires. Stay for the kills.

-kp

Arcade (1993)

Synopsis

A new virtual reality game has just been released at Dante's Inferno and it wants more than your quarters...it wants you.

Thoughts

The closest thing I've ever got to going to anything that resembled an arcade was a Celebration Station, Dave & Buster's and the Wal-Mart game room. Sad, I know, but when arcades were all the rage, I was still a little kid. There are arcade bars in Chicago that I was lucky enough to visit, but it's just not the same. I have to admit though, having a refreshing 16 ounce craft beer while playing Smash TV and Addams Family pinball is a dream come true. On another note, after I saw Arcade, I was kind of terrified and somewhat glad I never got to go to an arcade. 

Arcade is the Bishop of Battle for the 90's. An inspiration for future video game films (Brainscan, see?). The main difference between Arcade and Brainscan was that the Arcade really "sucked in" the players where Brainscan was all in the player's head. I think what added to the terror for a nine year old was the fact that Arcade was available to play at home. Not in real life, which would actually be pretty awesome, but in the movie. Yeah, take your fate home and hook it right up to your television for some good ol' fashioned home soul sucking. What a treat! Not only that, only your friends will give damn. Does anyone in this movie have any parents? I can only assume none of their parents would believe them anyways. Pretty much the theme for teenagers in 90's movies anyway. Also, why is it just this one group of teenagers being taken by Arcade? Wasn't that arcade packed full of other teenagers? Was the game that terrifying to the others there that only the main cast of teens were brave enough to play it? Likely story. 

It was nice to see Ralphie, I mean, Peter Billingsley in this. For a B-rated movie, it was kind of surprising that the acting wasn't completely terrible. You'd think that with some pretty terrible dialogue, the acting would follow suit. Not bad, though. 

I will forever, jokingly of course, swear that George Lucas stole his pod racing scene for the unbearable Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace from Arcade. The pod crashes look awfully reminiscent of the skull hover ship crash in Arcade. With that being said, the graphics are so terrible to look at in this film, that they somehow make the movie great. So, for 1993, the effects were pretty awesome. Again, I was only nine when I first saw it, so of course they looked mind blowing. For today, purely nostalgic. I enjoy watching Arcade still, but I do find myself laughing more and more as each year passes. That doesn't necessarily mean I think it's a bad movie now, but it's one of those movies that was definitely better as a kid. 

Arcade is worth checking out if you're into the whole video games coming to life and taking your soul, or even if you just want a history lesson in old school visual effects. Well, that and to see Seth Green before gracing us on Buffy The Vampire Slayer and with Robot Chicken. 

IMDB: 5.3/10

Rotten Tomatoes: N/A (Audience - 2.8/5)

WeFLM: 5/10

Come for Ralphie. Stay for the game play. 

-kp

Brainscan (1994)

Synopsis

A new video game attaches itself to the subconscious and puts the player in complete control...

of murder!

Thoughts

With my love/hate relationship for The Evil Within continues, I figured it only fitting to take a trip down nostalgia road. 

From Atari to PC to current generation consoles, I've always enjoyed playing video games. Now, there's absolutely nothing wrong with the classic 8-bit side scroller, but, there's nothing better than actually being a part of the experience though. That feeling that you are the character you're controlling. The sense of emotion that overcomes you when beloved characters die. It just makes the game that much more of an entertaining experience. Why not take this experience to the big screen? No, I don't mean to the likes of Uwe Boll. 

Brainscan is a fantasy horror gem from the mid nineties about a teenager, Michael, who's seen and played it all. Well, that is until he gets his hands on Brainscan. The concept of this movie is kind of original, but not entirely. In 1993, Full Moon Entertainment released the cult classic, Arcade. For me, that serves as inspiration for Brainscan. The concepts are similar: video game is somewhat alive, video game kills people. Similar, but also quite different. You know what, I'll just write about Arcade tomorrow for reference. My point being this, although the concept isn't entirely original, it is still unique. Think It's a Wonderful Life, but with a psychological fantasy horror twist. Ever since seeing this, I have wanted to play a game that attached to my subconscious. 

Even though I still want to play a game like Brainscan, it doesn't stop me from wanting to pick this film apart. The acting was terrible. Edward Furlong has never changed. Remember what I said about Matthew Lillard in Thirteen Ghosts? The same applies for Furlong. His character, Michael, is kind of a creeper. Well, I guess all can be forgiven with his voyeurism since his neighbor actually likes it. Yeah, and at the end, you find out she's just as creepy. Awkward teenage love. T. Ryder Smith as the Trickster was laughable, but he was meant to be. Maybe he could have been a tad bit more horrifying, but sine this movie was targeted at the younger generation, I'm assuming comedic relief was needed. I could forgive the acting because most of the film is technically in a video game and they're known for ridiculous acting which is actually a nice touch...only if that was what they were really going for. 

As cheesy as the graphics are for today's standards, they're still neat to me. The scene where the Trickster come out of the television is awesome. Alright, my nostalgia is getting the best of me, but it still looks great. When the Trickster and Michael merge as one, which I still think inspired the final scene of Timecop, was pretty damn cool. That mucus that spewed from Trickster's eyes was a delight. Alright, enough with the gushing. 

Brainscan is pretty decent for a movie about a video game that isn't based off of an actual video game. Films like this are less common, yet somehow don't get the recognition they deserve. It's not much, but it is still deserved. Maybe instead of taking games we love and turning them into terrible films, come up with a somewhat original twist of a classic that inspires endings to future films. Would you be wasting your time watching it if you've never seen it? Let's just say you should absolutely have nothing else going on, exhausted Netflix, folded your laundry, cleaned the gutters, filed your taxes and having take out for dinner. For those who have seen it, there's nothing wrong with taking a trip down memory lane. 

IMDB: 6.1/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 4/10

WeFLM: 5/10

Come for the Trickster. Stay for ending credits scene.

-kp

Event Horizon (1997)

Synopsis

The Lewis and Clark head to the Event Horizon, a ship that had disappeared, but has now returned, to investigate a distress signal. Something else has returned with the ship and it wants to torture their souls.

Thoughts

I always become intrigued when I hear of a film that blends science fiction and horror. Although the whole "space crew on a secret mission that goes awry" plot is well overdone, I'll still sit through a film with that premise because they're hit or miss really. Sure, some of our beloved iconic horror figures (Jason X, Leprechaun 4: In Space, Hellraiser: Bloodlines) have fallen prey to the, ironic, horrific outer space plot, but we all know those are barely redeemable as a science fiction horror film. No, we're looking for something that isn't trying to cash in and has a somewhat of an original story.

The first time I saw Event Horizon, I was 13 years old and my mom and I just so happened to catch it on HBO around 11 PM. Usually, my parents would avoid the movie channels after 10 PM due to the fact that around that time, all that was on was softcore porn. With the upgrade to the new cable boxes though, we got the on screen digital TV guide and those awkward moments of stumbling on to naked dry humping were avoided. 

Visually, this movie is absolutely brilliant. Quite aesthetically pleasing. It's as if every single shot was handled with care. Dare I say, a sort of precision. Meh, too much credit, but the movie looks fantastic. It has its faults, but not many to really note though. The way everything was lit really adds to the horror tone of the film. Yes, tons of technical lighting techniques were used, but for the sake of trying not to sound like a know-it-all, we'll just say it was done very well. 

The make-up and effects still look amazing. Well, the fact that they used CGI for the zero gravity props in the opening scene of the film is kind of pointless, but everything else looks just as terrifying as it did the first time I watched it. The CGI is pointless because they could have easily used real props and created a levitating effect. Why does this bother me? Because of all the lifelike effects of blood and advanced technology that they used. The detail that they put into those aspects are, again, absolutely brilliant. Even though there were shots done with green/blue screens, those CGI floating props are annoying. Oh, and Dr. Weir's eyes...I'm just going to throw that in the same boat with the floating props.

The plot of Event Horizon is pretty decent. The pacing was great. I felt pretty engaged the entire time. The film definitely moves from science fiction to an all out action horror towards the end and it does it quite well. The final act of the film is what makes it so great. The psychological outcome leaves room for people to speculate on sequel possibilities. I say a sequel would be absolutely terrible and I hope no one ever attempts it. I'll give you an example of a movie that ended quite similarly and ended up getting a sequel. The Descent was fine the way it ended. It left the viewer to speculate, maybe eve write up some fan fiction. But no, someone couldn't leave well enough alone and we got The Descent: Part 2. I rest my case.

Event Horizon is one hell of a film not to be missed. Science fiction and horror blended very well and the visuals are quite stunning. However, do not expect academy award winning acting here. Also, the stereotypical funny guy...here's there too. Still, see Event Horizon if you haven't. 

IMDB: 6.7/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 4.4/10

WeFLM: 6.5/10

Come for the science fiction. Stay for the horror.

-kp

Vampires (1998)

Synopsis

Jack Crow must stop at nothing to retrieve an ancient relic before all vampires can walk in the sun.

Thoughts

John Carpenter has brought us some of the best, awesome and funnest films of all time in my opinion. Halloween, his remake of The Thing, Escape From New York, Christine, Big Trouble in Little China. The list goes on. Sure, The Village of the Damned remake may have been a bad call and Escape From L.A. wasn't as great as it's predecessor, but John Carpenter definitely made up for it with Vampires.

Let's see. I think the number of decent movies based around vampires can be counted on maybe two hands. Of course, you got the classics like Nosferatu and Dracula. How can you forget about Scream, Blacula Scream? John Carpenter's vision is a tad more gruesome than these classics and often at times cheesier than Blacula. Didn't even think that was possible. Well, with this cast, I had my suspicions. That, and it has the same feel as Escape From L.A. On a side note, I consider this part of a an unofficial trilogy. Escape From L.A., Vampires and The Ghost of Mars all have the same feel to them. The acting, the directing, the overall tone of the films. 

The plot isn't hard to follow, but it is a decent story. Vampire Slayers hunt vampires, kill vampires, upsets master vampire, Valek, slays entire team, James Woods seeks revenge with Daniel Baldwin. Technically, James Woods has been hunting Valek before the whole slaying of his team, but nothing makes a plot more fun than revenge! Slight sarcasm, but it did help. The rest of the plot is them finding Valek and an ancient cross before he makes it to where all vampires can walk in the sun. 

James Woods plays our hero,Jack Crow, and is great in this movie. Funny, sarcastic and often at times a bit of an asshole. Well, that's typical Woods actually, but he really pulled it off here. Poor Daniel Baldwin. The only thing he's go going for him here is the fact that he's a Baldwin. Still doesn't help. You could blame it on his dialogue, but if you've seen him in other movies. then you know that he just can't act. It really didn't help that he had those typical cheesy sidekick one liners either. "Nothing like a little head, ey padre?" I rest my case. For all the Twin Peaks fans out there, Sheryl Lee, who played Laura Palmer, plays a hooker turned vampire. Not the role of the century, but she's better than Baldwin, even with half her dialogue being hissing noises. Speaking of noises, let us not forget the hilarious crow like squeal Valek, played by Thomas Ian Griffith, makes after being shot in the face. 

The vampires in this aren't as detailed as those in From Dusk til Dawn. They're very simple looking. Pale faces with vampire fangs and piercing eyes. They also don't turn into a giant puddle of green goo and guts, or a bucket of blood after being stabbed in the heart. The only way to completely destroy these vampires is to pull them into the sun via a crossbow attached to a winch. When met with the sun, they light up like a bunch of road flares. 

As for the blood used in Vampires, what we do see of it is quite a site. Most of the blood in the film that you'll see is used in the hotel massacre scene. I wondered why for a movie like this, why wouldn't there be more? You know, vampires require blood as their sustenance after all. Somehow, Vampires pulls it off without the over the top blood and gore. It just didn't feel necessary and I guess John Carpenter knew that. Then again, he can tell a good story without having to saturate it over the top blood and gore. 

Vampires is a thrill ride of a film. Action, horror, subtle humor and tasteful blood use make it a nice addition to the vampire genre. A good time for all to be had. Worth a rent, purchase or DVR space. So, if you find yourself wanting something as entertaining as Near Dark, or The Lost Boys, give John Carpenter's Vampires a try.

IMDB: 6.1/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 5.1/10

WeFLM: 6.5/10

Come for the hotel massacre. Stay for Daniel Baldwin's one liners.

-kp

Creepshow 2 (1987)

Synopsis

An anthology sequel to the 1982 Creepshow, with three stories wrapped around partially animated interludes. The stories are all based upon Stephen King short stories, including "The Raft".

Thoughts

In 1982, we were given a very nice gift in the horror genre with the anthology film Creepshow. It was directed by George Romero, written by Stephen King, and all of the make-up effects were done by Tom Savini. There were five stories, including prologue and epilogue bookends. They ranged from comedic to dark, scary, intense, and just plain disgusting. It really spanned the spectrum of what makes the horror genre entertaining. Say what you want about King, but he knows how to keep you intrigued.

In 1987, we had Creepshow 2, an attempt to continue the tradition of anthology horror and perhaps improve on whatever the original couldn't deliver (which, when you think about it, was impossible). This impossibility is quite apparent, as Creepshow 2 doesn't have nearly the punch or cleverness of the original. It's not as though it was co-opted by studio execs, either, and handed off to film school grads to make a quick buck. This sequel's screenplay was by George Romero, and it was directed by his cinematographer of the first film, Michael Gornick. Savini returns as well, but just as an actor (he also made a cameo in the first film too).

But the cheese factor is raised to an unbelievable level from the start. It starts with a kid named Billy (but apparently not the same Billy from the original Creepshow) getting a copy of the new edition of Creepshow from his newsstand. It's delivered by the Creepshow...Creep, who is played by Tom Savini and voiced by Joe Silver. This kind of intro does predate Tales From the Crypt so I can't say it's a knockoff or anything--but it just isn't as good, or charming, as the Crypt Keeper.

We are introduced to our first feature story, called "Old Chief Wood'nhead", about a sweet eldery couple, Ray and Martha (played by George Kennedy and Dorothy Lamour respectively), who run a general store. It prominently features a Cigar Store Indian outside on the porch. They're attacked one night by a group of burglars led by the nephew of a tribesman named Benjamin who had earlier given the couple some sacred jewelry to use as collateral for the debt his tribe had accumulated. The nephew, named Sam, and his posse Andy and Fatstuff (one of the most obscene characters put to film), kill the couple and make off with the jewelry. But they didn't count on Old Chief coming to life and exacting revenge. And that's exactly what happens. The story itself is banal but it's somewhat entertaining thanks to the over the top performances, and the fact that Sam is comfortable in a denim jacket but shirtless underneath. It's slow moving, like the titular character, but the ending is pretty good.

We then continue the story of Billy who has just finished reading the story, and goes to the post office to pick up a package from something he ordered from Creepshow (unfortunately, it wasn't a better script). Billy's true sadistic side is revealed when the package he gets contains a Venus fly trap. Somehow, it's just not believable that it's going to be used for trapping flies.

But onto the next story, and this one by far is the most entertaining. Take a group of ridiculously stereotyped college 80's teens and put them in a remote lake to swim toward a raft that's sitting in the middle of it, only to be trapped by some weird sludge puddle that is extremely carnivorous. The kids' names are Deke (Paul Satterfield), Laverne (Jeremy Green), Randy (Daniel Beer), and Rachel (Page Hannah). Now, pause. The girl's real name is Jeremy. That is so unfair to her. 

Anyhow, the kids find out real soon that they can't get away from this thing as Deke, who "doesn't believe in oil slicks", gets killed by the blob. Normally you'd think a storyline like one guy, two girls, alone on an isolated raft in the middle of nowhere may end up on the Playboy channel or latenight Skinemax. But here, it's supposed to be scary. 

I'll let you find out for yourself to see if the other three make it. Take a guess though...

And then it's back to the interludes, where a bunch of bullies are picking on Billy. They crush his precious fly trap bulb, and we're on pins and needles on how Billy will survive such a traumatic experience.

The final story is OK, it's mostly comical, and goes for a more gross out factor (like the last story in the first "Creepshow" but not as clever or as gross). A woman, Annie (Lois Chiles), is cheating on her husband, and leaves so she can beat her husband home so as not to arouse suspicion. On her way home she, hits and kills a hitchhiker (Tom Wright), but drives away, hoping nobody saw her. 

As she drives home, she keeps seeing him reappear, repeating the phrase "Thanks for the ride, lady". There is something darkly comedic about this; but it doesn't really pay off as great as "They're Creeping Up On You" did--and let's face it, it's hard to top being eaten alive by cockroaches.

Then it's back to Billy's story so we can finally watch him get his revenge as he reveals that he's been collecting these venus fly traps and then unleashes them on the bullies which promptly devour them. Billy looks satisfied with himself as he declares, "they eat MEAT!"

So that's Creepshow 2. But wait...stick around for the credits to see this public service announcement:

Juvenile delinquency is the product of pent up frustrations, stored-up resentments and bottled-up fears. It is not the product of cartoons and captions. But the comics are a handy, obvious, uncomplicated scapegoat. If the adults who crusade against them would only get as steamed up over such basic causes of delinquency as parental ignorance, indifference, and cruelty, they might discover that comic books are no more a menace than Treasure Island or Jack the Giant Killer". Colliers magazine 1949

What the...hell? Were they that paranoid about a parent backlash (for an R rated film, mind you, which still meant something at the time) that they had to slap this on at the end? What was the point of that? You've already watched the movie. It's too late. Nobody cares about what a Colliers magazine article said almost 40 years prior. I mean, I get what they're trying to do but come on...it just comes out of nowhere.

Anthology horror seems to be making a slight comeback, with the film Trick R Treat and obviously the American Horror Story TV series. Back in the 80's, anthology horror was popular in shows such as Tales From the Darkside, Tales From the Crypt, and Friday the 13th: The Series. It fits the genre, as horror stories are even more enjoyable in collections, such as Edgar Allen Poe or H.P. Lovecraft stories. Short, concise, to the point, and simply, sometimes makes it more chilling. Obviously, The Twilight Zone is a perfect example of this. Creepshow 2 holds onto some of that spirit; but the quality of storytelling and execution is lacking compared to the first film; but the 80's camp value will compensate for the most part. It's worth a viewing if you're in the mood for some good old 80's trash horror fun.

IMDB: 5.9/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 3.9/10

WeFLM: 6/10

-Zack

Valentine (2001)

Synopsis 

The past can always come back to haunt you. For these five girls, it's back for revenge. 

Thoughts

People tend to enjoy a good mystery. What's not to enjoy? You're wondering what's going to happen next, who's getting axed next, why is this all happening and so on. One of those edge of your seat, nail biting, gasp occasions that literally has you shocked after the outcome. If only Valentine were that kind of film.

In this middle school revenge mystery thriller...I'm not sure I can even call it that. For all technical purposes, sure. But, this movie is so predictable Miss Cleo could have seen this coming a decade in advance. I knew there was always something much worse than an M. Night Shyamalan movie (I enjoyed Unbreakable and The Sixth Sense) and it's Valentine. 

I'm not exactly sure why this movie bothers me so much. Maybe it's the premise? A kid in middle school is turned down several times at a dance and decides to get revenge thirteen years later. It has the possibility of being a good revenge movie. Maybe it's the acting? For a simple movie like this though, I kind of expected wooden acting. Even with an actor like David Boreanaz, I still wasn't expecting anything much. Eventually, with how shallow these characters are, you just want them to die. 

Even with all that, it's still the misdirection that ruins it. Yeah, it's eventually part of the outcome of the movie, but it's just overused. I enjoy a movie that can keep me guessing, but come on. How can anyone not see the ending coming? 

Valentine was just terrible and every other harsh word you can think of. Well, not entirely. You do actually enjoy watching these characters killed off. That doesn't really save the movie though. 96 minutes I can't get back. Luckily for me, at the time it was a free rental. I still think even that was wasted. This was, apparently, loosely based off of the book of the same name. If this movie hadn't have been so awful, I might have given the book a read, but I already wasted a free rental and 96 minutes, it just wouldn't be worth it. 

In the end, some of you may thank me for saving you from wasting your time. Others will completely disagree with my thoughts, but that's fine. For me, Valentine is a hard pass. Even if it's on TV one day, you're better off watching anything else. Paint dry, Lady in the Water, your mom lick stamps. the list goes on.

IMDB: 4.6/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 3/10

WeFLM: 2/10

Come for the...no. 

-kp

Undead (2003)

Synopsis

The town of Berkeley is full of life...until the meteors crash through the towns peoples' chest. An outbreak is taking over and the few left alive must fight to survive the constantly growing horde of the...Undead! 

Thoughts

It's always nice to see a film that doesn't take itself entirely seriously every once in a while, especially in the horror genre. To be even more specific, zombie films. There's nothing wrong with a serious horror film, but it is a nice to see a filmmaker have fun with the genre. Quite possibly the best known horror film to do that was, for me, The Cabin in the Woods. Their is a little gem from Australia that's pretty damn fun too...Undead!

People sometimes tend to not grasp the concept of not taking something seriously, especially with a beloved concept like zombies. So, when I hear someone say they disliked Undead, I'll ask them what they didn't like about it. I usually get one of three answers: 

"The effects were sub par."

"Very campy and cheesy."

And of course...

"The acting was terrible."

Sure, Undead is guilty of all three of these, but what these viewers didn't realize was that those were intentional. Well, or maybe they just don't like any movie they watch to have any of those "issues". Still, they're what make this movie so fun and enjoyable to watch. There's a scene where a guy is punching zombie fish and I'm not talking some eight foot tuna shark, just some twelve inch bass. Oh, and I can't forget the Max Payne/The Matrix style action attempts. 

This original, offbeat Australian horror film is a true delight. The music throughout is definitely something to be noted. It adds to the overall campy feel to it. No, it's not comparable to something as powerful from Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross ventures lately, but it does a damn good job adding to the film. 

To take a lot of concepts and combine them into one is a pretty bold move I think. It paid off for the Spierig Brothers though. You get a zombie outbreak, magical rain and somewhat of an alien invasion. For 2003, and even today, it's a great B rated horror film you shouldn't miss out on. The make-up and effects are really great. Buckets of blood and guts. Think Dead Alive, aka Braindead, with how they used all the blood. You know, over the top, a bit much, but entertaining. It's just a fun thrill ride of a film. Yeah, I'll admit that the trailer was a little misleading when I eventually saw the film, but I'm kind of glad it was because I didn't really expect aliens. OK, maybe a little because of the meteors, but it was still a nice surprise. 

If you are a fan of horror and science fiction and definitely love when these two genres come together, add Undead to your collection. 

IMDB: 5.6/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 4.4/10

WeFLM: 8/10

Come for the dismembered talent agent. Stay for the zombie fish.

-kp

Dog Soldiers (2002)

Synopsis 

A group of British soldiers are attacked by werewolves in the Scottish Highlands.

Thoughts

Are you ready for some werewolves? This 2002 British horror film was directed by Neil Marshall in his filmmaking debut. Right from the start, you know this is going to be a straight up, no doubt, monster movie. You can pretty much see all of the little twists coming--but the film is so well paced and enjoyable, it's hard to really be cynical about its predictability.

It begins with an opening stinger (that actually has quite a payoff in the end) involving a couple spending some quality time together in the Highlands, camping. In the middle of their...copulation, they are attacked by something. You'd think it's a bear--but are there any grizzlies out there in Scotland? Do they have Scottish accents? Would they be attracted to kilts? Would Timothy Treadwell have gone there instead of Alaska?

None of these questions, sadly, are really dealt with in the movie. Because it's not about grizzly bears at all. No, a lowly private named Cooper (Kevin McKidd) is being tested by his commanding officer, Captain Ryan (Liam Cunningham), for British Special Forces. I'm guessing this is something like an equivalent to our marines. He "fails" Ryan's test by not shooting a dog in cold blood. I think he and Michael Vick would get along. 

Cooper, then, joins the regular British Army, and is on a training mission with five other soldiers, in the Highlands. While they're on their "mission", they come across human remains and an animal carcass. There's only one survivor left--Captain Ryan, who has been attacked by something but they're not sure what. He keeps saying "There was only supposed to be one" (because there can be Only One, usually), but they don't know what he's referring to. NOT Highlander, by the way.

This complicates their mission, especially when they are attacked as well, and are bailed out by a girl named Megan. The soldiers get very weary of this situation very quickly, especially since one of them really wants to watch a football (or as we call it, soccer) match between England and Germany. It helps to know the history behind these two national squads to understand this little joke. But it also has a pay off at the end. And unlike werewolves, that match really existed.

The soldiers start getting picked off one by one as the werewolves trap them all in a seemingly abandoned house that night; and the sergeant, Wells (played by Sean Pertwee, son of John Pertwee the Third Doctor), is nearly torn apart. His insides come out, but he's still alive. So they hole up in the house and try to wait for morning.

An escape plan doesn't go very well, and it costs the lives of a few more soldiers. By the morning, the numbers of human characters has dwindled a bit.

One of the best scenes of the film comes at this time, the breaking of dawn, with Megan playing the piano while all of the remaining soldiers sit solemnly, just listening.

Then, it's back to the action when it's discovered that the morning has not brought any fortune to the men. The werewolves are still affected by the full moon, and it becomes clear to them why the house is not really "abandoned".

Ryan transforms into a werewolf due to his injuries, and it's revealed that Wells is most likely going to have the same fate. Meanwhile, Cooper and the rest of the men have discovered they really have no way out. 

The action is this film is very well done, and the werewolf effects, make-up and design are all strong, as well as the gore (which gets quite gruesome at time). The performances of the main cast are also top notch, and the characters are well drawn. The most interesting and satisfying relationship is not, thankfully, the one between Cooper and Megan who obviously have an attraction for each other. But it's Cooper and Sgt. Wells that is the strongest, and carries the film into its climax. There's a lot of depth given by Pertwee, and we feel for him when it's clear he is going to wolf out eventually.

For a relatively low budget independent film, this is certainly more compelling and a more rewarding experience than some big budget horror flicks. It's a little over a decade old, but it's not a dated film by any means.

Definitely worth seeing, along with Marshall's subsequent (and best) film, The Descent.

IMDB: 6.9/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 6.8/10

WeFLM: 8/10

-Zack

Thir13en Ghosts (2001)

Synopsis

With the passing of his uncle, Arthur and his family inherit all he left behind. Everything from a beautiful and intricately designed manor to the evil which is locked away in the basement. On the day of their arrival, the evil is unleashed and now they must find a way out before it's too late. 

Thoughts

Is it just me, or was the end of the 90's and early 2000's the start of the horrific insurgence of remaking movies? Not only remaking them, but if it was a horror film, filmmakers thought it was more than necessary to add an incredible amount of blood and gore as if that alone would save it from being ridiculed for being remade. 

Movies have been being remade for the longest time, but definitely more so this millennium. To keep with the overall theme for the month let's list a few horror remakes: Evil Dead (2013), The Crazies (2010), The Last House on the Left (2009) and The Hills Have Eyes (2007). That's literally not even a fraction of the movies that have been remade, retooled, re-imagined or even completely ruined over the past decade. I love the excuse that the director wanted to deliver a new "vision" for the next generation. There are endless excuses to why a film was remade, but there's nothing we can really do about it I guess. Just suck it up and hope we a few good ones out of it.

Thir13en Ghosts is part of what seems to be the start of the endless remake period. Not to say we've been getting a lot of original material, but remakes have flooded the market. The original, 13 Ghosts, was a decent horror film from 1960. It even had a nice little gimmick that helped advertise the film. The remake is definitely loosely based off the original. Pretty much just the premise of the original was used which can either be a good or a bad thing. For this, it's not a bad thing really.

For 2001, following up a previously remade William Castle film, House on Haunted Hill, it held its own. The acting isn't top notch, but you get to see Tony Shaloub before he dedicates his life the USA series Monk. You also get to see Shannon Elizabeth take a shot a more serious role opposed to her work on American Pie. Matthew Lillard, well, he's still Matthew Lillard and I don't think that's ever going to change. I'm not sure if I can ever take him seriously. He just has a goofy demeanor about him in all his films. Maybe one day we'll be surprised. Oh yeah, how can I forget another rapper turned actress, Rah Digga...and we're just going to leave it at. 

If you leave out the really cheesy, at one point kind of stereotyping humor, you actually have a decent movie here. The make-up is fantastic. All the ghosts look incredible. This really is the main reason to see Thir13en Ghosts, if anything. Mute the movie and put some music on in the background and just enjoy the visuals. If you are however interested in seeing it, you should probably enjoy cheesy humor, predictable twists and Matthew Lillard. Just to clarify, I enjoy Matthew Lillard, I just think he's one dimensional. 

IMDB: 5.5/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 3.4/10

WeFLM: 4/10

Come for the house. Stay for the ghosts.

-kp