Valentine (2001)

Synopsis 

The past can always come back to haunt you. For these five girls, it's back for revenge. 

Thoughts

People tend to enjoy a good mystery. What's not to enjoy? You're wondering what's going to happen next, who's getting axed next, why is this all happening and so on. One of those edge of your seat, nail biting, gasp occasions that literally has you shocked after the outcome. If only Valentine were that kind of film.

In this middle school revenge mystery thriller...I'm not sure I can even call it that. For all technical purposes, sure. But, this movie is so predictable Miss Cleo could have seen this coming a decade in advance. I knew there was always something much worse than an M. Night Shyamalan movie (I enjoyed Unbreakable and The Sixth Sense) and it's Valentine. 

I'm not exactly sure why this movie bothers me so much. Maybe it's the premise? A kid in middle school is turned down several times at a dance and decides to get revenge thirteen years later. It has the possibility of being a good revenge movie. Maybe it's the acting? For a simple movie like this though, I kind of expected wooden acting. Even with an actor like David Boreanaz, I still wasn't expecting anything much. Eventually, with how shallow these characters are, you just want them to die. 

Even with all that, it's still the misdirection that ruins it. Yeah, it's eventually part of the outcome of the movie, but it's just overused. I enjoy a movie that can keep me guessing, but come on. How can anyone not see the ending coming? 

Valentine was just terrible and every other harsh word you can think of. Well, not entirely. You do actually enjoy watching these characters killed off. That doesn't really save the movie though. 96 minutes I can't get back. Luckily for me, at the time it was a free rental. I still think even that was wasted. This was, apparently, loosely based off of the book of the same name. If this movie hadn't have been so awful, I might have given the book a read, but I already wasted a free rental and 96 minutes, it just wouldn't be worth it. 

In the end, some of you may thank me for saving you from wasting your time. Others will completely disagree with my thoughts, but that's fine. For me, Valentine is a hard pass. Even if it's on TV one day, you're better off watching anything else. Paint dry, Lady in the Water, your mom lick stamps. the list goes on.

IMDB: 4.6/10

Rotten Tomatoes: 3/10

WeFLM: 2/10

Come for the...no. 

-kp